Steping Out, and Steping In

New Year

2010-01-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

Its been a while. . .

New Years resolutions:
1. Eat better, and more well rounded meals
2. Run and ride my bike more
3. Graduate and get a big boy job

A sweet, sweet sound

2009-11-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

New season is underway. . .played four games so far, and lost all four by 10 pts or more. . .our last lost by 49 pts. . .ouch. Being a senior is hard these days. You feel like you work your tail off to get where you want to be, but then you find that you are further and further from your goals than you wanted, hoped, planed to be. . .for the last three years, I have tried to shut my mouth, see, listen, and take in as much as I can to better my game. . .summer work outs, weights, countless shots. . .all to try and get a little bit better. Year after year, hard work - year after year, more and more obstacles and challenges in my way. . .

I find myself asking myself, "How do I overcome this one. . ."

The Abolition of Fear

2009-09-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

This grips my every breath, a feeling so unclean. . .
As if my life is closing in, and my heart is stuck in between.

Alone and empty, with nothing left to hold.
Reality is warped and changed, leaving me shackled in the cold.

I need you, I need you. . .

Then, the light, it comes!
With rays more powerful than the sun!
I breath the warming breeze,
As it lifts me from my knees!

My eyes begin to open, I am wrapped in wings of truth!
The chains of fear fall to the ground, standing free with you!

You consume me, you consume me. . .

I lift my voice, let the heavens trumpets sound!
My trust in you was once lost, but now it has been found!

Glory

2009-09-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

Let your glory fall Lord, let it fall on us like rain!
Let the rain wash us, let it wash away the pain!
And leave us standing here a-new,
Bathed in righteousness, singing glory to you!

I rest in prayer, my entire being yours.
Then the silence fades. . .
I breath you in, comfort. . .
I feel you surround me. . .
You grasp me and hold me close. . .
Father, mold me like clay, as you whisper worthy. . .
Fill me! Let my soul overflow. . .
My shadow plays on the ground as my heart dances at your feet. . .

Let your glory fall Lord, let it fall on us like rain!
Let the rain wash us, let it wash away the pain!
And leave us standing here a-new,
Bathed in righteousness, singing glory to you!

like butter over fresh toast

2009-08-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

We will go marching.
not like ants, one by one or two by two. . .
but like soldiers. . .yea, any army.
We will go marching like soldiers for a cause.
And our cadence will never slow or stop,
but it will be swift, and our numbers will grow.
We will go marching.

We will march from street corner to street corner,
only to spread the kingdom, like butter over fresh toast.
We march to shower the streets with joy.
We will go marching.

Morning, noon, night.
Dawn, Dusk.
Hot, cold, soaking wet, or bone dry. . .
We will march on.

We will go marching from downtown to uptown.
School to school, house to house.
We will march for grace shown by a smile, and love given by a word.

We will go marching.
We will go marching until this city is yours!
Make us all generals, in this army of light. . .
We will go marching.

You overflow our hearts, like tears in our eyes!

2009-08-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

Our souls listen, whisper to us.
We close our eyes and hear the silence fade.
Hopes, and dreams, we long for your embrace. . .

Spirit, rain on us with joy.
Fan the fire wild in our hearts.
Make us holy instruments, use us as you please.
Authority and power through your gifts selflessly given. . .

Hands lifted high, praise to the father.
Jesus in our hearts, send us to our knees.
Blanket Us with Love, oh Spirit fall on us. . .

Crying for The Kingdom, Lord let it come!
Let us be your hands and feet, Lord let your will be done!
The one pure truth, over a thousand lies!
You overflow our hearts, like tears in our eyes!

I don't know why i wrote this, just came to me. . .

When a chapter closes, another opens. . .

2009-08-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

So, the basic outline of my testimony. . .idk, just felt like it

So, tomorrow is the day that I sign my lease papers to my new townhouse. . .YESSSS! NO MOEW DORMS!! Josh, Dwight, Micah, and Danny. . .all moving out to get a preview of "real life after school." Or something like that. . .lol

As I was thinking about the move, I began to reflect on how different I am now the I was at this time three years ago. . .two years ago. . .and one year ago. . .The memories of all the chapters in the last few years hit me like a bag of bricks in the face. . .

Three years ago, I was a cool guy. Big, bad, cocky, college freshman. . .I was coming up to Simpson to play basketball, flirt with girls, live life away from my parents, and maybe go to class if there was time. . .Did I mention I was a cool guy? Throughout that year my self image change and my attitude shifted. . .Tall-tees, big baggy jeans, white kicks. . .i was BALLIN! I was a cool guy. . .and no one could tell me anything different. . .I got me a girlfriend, built a network of friends. . .I was rollin. . .I would soon find that only a few of these relationships were based on "the right" type of foundations. . .I hated class, especially the bible classes that I thought they tried to ram down my throat. . .I didnt want anything to do with God, or Jesus. . .I just wanted to listen to 2-pac and shoot some hoops. . .needless to say, I had a rough year. . .

Two years ago, I was a cool guy, but I had a year under my belt. My self ego and Image had matured a small amount, I knew the ropes, I knew what worked and what didn't when it came to beating the system. . .people knew me, I knew people. I was playing well, and was a captain of my team. . .but it didn't take long for my sandy foundation wash out from under my feet. . .I broke up with my girlfriend, started playing below my capability, started to hate my classes even more. . .my world was in a tail-spin. . .Then came church. I started going to church, reading my bible a little bit, and changing my outlook on life. The more i prayed and talked to God, the more light seemed to shine on me. Things got good. . .so I felt good. Slowly, I started to do the same things that I had been, and I started to lay sand on the the sturdy stones that was my foundation. Soon after came the wonderful world of underage drinking. . .What started as a few people just hanging out one Friday night rapidly turned into a
dark spiral of girls, booze, headaches, and regrets. I would seem to pull my self up and rise out of that hole, but I would just fall right back down. . .and land hard! I would want to fight those who I hold most dear, I hated people, including myself, I was not a cool guy. . . I hurt people, I hut myself. . .slowly, the pain was numbed, and seemed to level out. . .

One year ago, I was a cool guy, but I didn't want to be. . .school just started back up, I was a junior. . .people had came back, some saw who I had become. . .some thought it was cool. . .other were not so impressed. . .I couldn't tell you what it was, but something up in my head just clicked. I wanted out of the spiral! I was done with all of the crap. . .I wanted to breath easy. Stared to read more of my bible, and go back to church. I had to do a mandatory Internship for school, "ministry practicum." I signed up to help out at The Stirring. I was going to help in the media section and help with other things like set-up and tear-down. I started to meet with guys like D-fleck, Chris, Casey, and had a few small talks with Matt Klutz. . .small, insignificant interactions to them, im sure, but they meant a lot to me. . .God was in the process of grabbing me. All at the same time, I met Chelsea. She saw me for me, who i could be, and who I wanted to be. . .she has been nothing but an encouragement and a light.

This last six months. . .wow. That is all I can say. I am more involved in church. . .am surrounded by amazing people of God. . .In 2 life groups. . .Had the privilege to walk with Matt (who has had a profound influence on my life). . .

I am looking forward to this next year of life. . .as a new chapter begins, I can only imagin what God has in store for me and my life. . .God has my heart, the spirit dwells in me, and Jesus is everything. . .I have seen this before in my life, but I soon forgot. . .And I dont want to forget ever again.

For Emmy

2009-08-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

My sister, Emilee, lost a close friend this last week, in a jet-ski accident. The news hit her hard, and my heart broke for her and her friends family. . .after i heard the news, I couldn't stop praying, and I don't really know why but I felt like writing something for em. . .

The rhythm stops pounding in my chest,
A sliver of my heart just said its last goodbye.
Called away to sleep.
But in the end, sleep is not eternal,
Life still dwells in the mist.
A faint light still flickers in the dark,
For that goodbye is not forever,
Reunion will come soon.
So that flicker will not dim,
But burst out into the darkest night.

Gosh. . .

2009-08-04T14:15:00.001-07:00

Its been too long since i have visited my blog. . .whats the point of having one if I don't write?! Com'on Josh! So, this is my vow to myself. . .at least one blog per-week. . .yep at the bare minimum! no if ands or buts. . .There is so much to life, how can I not write?

Life Group Update

2009-06-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

Love and Respect:
Soooo good! Chelsea and I have been absorbing so much powerful information from this group. We are the youngest couple in the group and it is great for us to be able to sit back and not only learn from the videos and lectures, but also listen to the stories and experiences of the other older couples in the group. After just a few short weeks we can already tell that our relationship has a much stronger foundation than when we started. . . .

Just knowing how each of us sees, hears, and interprets the same things differently is crazy. . .but by understanding this, we can avoid soo many silly silly conflicts. We know what the other needs, and now we know how to start meeting those needs in ways that are sensitive to them. . .I personally have seen how important it is for me to take a humble stance in the relationship for it to function to its full potential. . .love it and her

Bible Narrative:
Three Words. . ."BLOWS MY MIND!"
Every week we go through the word a few chapters at a time. . .and it never fails to impact me. We are ending Genesis and I have already been exposed to so many things that I have never even thought of. . .Dan and Erick are amazing and continually challenge us to ask the simplest questions, and uncover the crazy-good stuff! I have some form of a revelation every time we sit down to read and discuss. . .and when ever Erick speaks, I don't think I blink. . .

So boss!

2009-06-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

Found the Bike!! Praise the Lord!!

It blows my mind how faithful God is. . .just when you continue to pray to him, and continue to ask, and continue to seek, he will continue to provide. . .YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD GOD!

I still highly dislike people who take what is not theirs. . .

So lame. . .

2009-06-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

I walked outside my room on Saturday morning to take a ride on my bike, well my dads NICE bike, that he was letting me use. . .anyways, i went outside to ride it, and my hearty sank. It was not there. . .yep i got jacked! Campus safety had not seen it, other residents had not seen it. . .i wanted to throw up. . .

I posted some fliers around town describing it, looked on Craigslist. . .Nada. . .Its a blue and white "Lamond" Road Bike. . .black handle-bar tape. . .looks great. If you have seen it, or see it let me know. . .and if you know who has it take it from them and give it back to me!

Cruzin. . .

2009-05-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am looking to start building (buying) a fixie, or single speed. . .depending on what is available for my budget, which isnt very big. . .let me know if you have or no of someone who has a older fixed gear bike that may be willing to sell. . .

Tag Team, Back Again

2009-05-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

So its been a while, but I am back. Schools out, summer is around the corner (if it doesnt stop raining. . .) and I finally have a chance to exhale. With that exhalation comes a lot of encouragement! The last week and a half, to two weeks have been so so so good.

About 2 weeks ago Matt Klutz, one of the coolest men of God i know, took me too lunch. We talked about where i was at in life, in my relationship with Chels, and spiritual. He then asked if i wanted to walk with him over the next few months. Needless to say, I was surprised, but I told him I was in. turns out that he will also be walking with two other guys as well. These other two guys are dude who i look up to more than they know, and I am blessed to be asked to be in the same group!

My dad came up to visit my sister and I this weekend! We played some golf (that sport is sooo frustrating!!) hung out, ate some food. . .but we did two things that I have never done with my dad before. . .1 we got tattoos. Yep Me, my sis, and my dad! Emilee got her first one on her foot, Dad got number 5 on his ribs(haha told him it would hurt!) and I got number 4 on my chest! (I think i want to just make it a full chest piece. . .but only time will tell) 2. We went to church! Yep, Stirring 10am service. . .never been, but it was dope! It was such an amazing experience to worship and engage God with my father for the first time! I know it wont be the last. . .

I finally got into a life group! two as a matter of fact! Chels and I are doing the Love and respect group(pumped!) The first meeting I am looking forward to the next few months growing whit her in our relationship and incorporating our faith with that. I am really excited to see how our relationship develops when we base it on a firm, solid foundation! I am also in Dan's narrative theology group(stocked)! I cant wait to move through the scriptures with this group, and seek God's heart! I am ready to humble myself and constantly be filled.

I wasnt going to be able to go the "when God dreams" conference, cause i could fork out $100. . .but a few days before the conference, Patrick called me up and asked me to help work it, and only pay $40. . .so sick! And that was so powerful and encouraging to be at that conference! Changed my life!!

You Found Me

2009-04-06T22:07:00.001-07:00

One of those "feel good" songs. . .

Not me, but YOU

2009-02-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

He gives. Always will, and always has. . .

Lord, let me set aside my name, so that my soul can glorify yours. . .

Amen

Master of Procrastination

2009-02-06T12:47:00.000-08:00

Overwhelmed. . .Friday, 12:45ish. . . .I am thinking about all of the crap that I have to work on for school this weekend. . .

5 Page book-report, video worksheet - Religions of the World.
Art Project, page and a half reflection (x2), two journal articles, and half of my major project done - Nonverbal Communication.
Response Paper (x2) - Communication Leadership
study for a quiz - Communicating Cross-Culturally

And to think, I was this close [ ] to going to San Fran for a day trip with my friends. . .sheeesh!

Silly Little Sheep

2009-01-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

Its funny how sheep tend to mindlessly wander away from their Shepard. It all starts with a few steps in the wrong direction, just over to that green patch of grass. From there, they see another patch of green lush grass just a few steps further. And from there another, and another, until they finally realize that they are lost. And no matter how many times that a sheep will go astray, the Shepard will always search for it, and bring the sheep back.

We are no different from sheep. We stray from the path just a little, to that patch of green grass, for that short term satisfaction. Then we get carried away, and we become lost. We, like that sheep, get so lost in the short term satisfactions and gains, that we fail to realize that the Shepard is leading us to the field with the greenest pastures.

I am thankful that my Shepard never stops calling out for me, and always brings me back.

Phil

2009-01-20T00:43:00.000-08:00

"Like life, basketball is messy and unpredictable. It has its way with you, no matter how hard you try and control it. The trick is to experience each moment with a clear mind and open heart. When you do that, the game--and life--will take care of itself."

-Phil Jackson "Sacred Hoops"

Mindless Menace of Violence

2008-11-30T23:21:00.000-08:00

One one my closest friends posted this in her blog, I have heard of this speech, but never seen it. I feel that violence, hate, and negitivity greatly out-weigh love and trust in today's world. . .we must change. . . Thanks Britt!!

Re: Can We?

2008-11-30T22:57:00.000-08:00

So I turned in my poem and I only got a 50%. . .how lame is that. I was told that I did not state the media outlet that the poem was made for, the guides lines of the poem, and it did not meant the "requirements" of taking the place of a 9 page paper (well of course not, that is why i chose to write a poem, so i would have to write a 9 pager). . .all of which were not stated in any handouts given, or in the syllabus. . .boo for that.

So Dope. . .

2008-11-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

"Let it Fade" by Jeremy Camp

Can We?

2008-11-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

Something had to write for class. . .My prof is a poetry nut, so I am kinda nervous about how he is going to view it, let me know what you think. Peace

Can We?

Suicide Bombers running into crowded places. . . .
Children strapped with automatic weapons. . . .
Evil Dictators, and unworthy World Leaders. . .
Holocausts, Genocides. . . .
Trip wires and landmines, strategically placed. . . .
Tear gas thrown into windows. . .
Roadside bombs take out convoys. . .
Cluster bombs tear up country sides. . . .
Negativity spread in the media. . .
The youth exposed exposed to strong sexual content. . .
Pornography, Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll.
Broken Economies, Hate, Lies, Harm, Destruction, Fear, and Death.

And we see it all,
But Why?

Can we change, can we?
Can we hope, can we dream?
Can we turn the love of life up, and turn the voice of hate down?
Can we breath in Grace and exhale Mercy? Can we?
Can we make Life grow in a place were Death resided?
Can we make love so prevalent that it becomes tangible and thick?
Can we cast out lies, and leave Truth standing alone?
I pray we can.
Can we plant a rose in the hole that the grenade blew?

Can we please walk up to someone and just give them a hug?
I hope we can.
Can we have a positive message? Can the message be Christ?
Can we rebuild our foundation on the Rock, instead of mere stick and mud?
Can we unlock Faith from the highest room, from the tallest tower?
Can we please spread the name of Jesus?
I know we can! Yes we can!
We can erase the dark, and allow the brightest of lights to shine!
We can expose Glory, and it can cover all of Earth!
We can change the content of the message!
We can stop shooting bullets and stop dropping bombs!
We can turn the weapons of war into tools for the harvest!
We can bring justice!
We can stop fighting fire with fire!
We can have Shalom!
We can be Disciples!

Fill My Life

2008-10-26T21:07:00.000-07:00

I want to be full of something that will never fade from me, or that will wear off in time. I want not to just be filled, but overflow with something that will satisfy me forever. I want to be filled with Him, His love, His strength, His courage, His mercy. . .I pray:

Lord, repair the cracks, and fill the cistern that is my life. Let it overflow! Please, let everything you are radiate from me. Fill me.

I pray for strength

2008-10-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

I ask for strength and love to fill me in a time when feelings of anger and maybe even hate would fill my heart. Feelings sparked by a close friend turning his back on me, when I never could bring myself o abandon him. It hurts to be thrown to the side, like our friendship was nothing. It hurts to know that what i thought was a brother, was just a one way street ending in a dead end, even when I never gave up on him. I pray. . . My prayer is this:
Lord, I ask for strength. . .strength to see past all of this. Give me the ability to forgive and love my brother. I pray for his well being, and the well being of his family. I pray that you will walk with him, and that you, nor I, will ever leave his heart. I pray that his choices in life would result in him seeing your face, and receiving you.

I love you and miss you bra.

Escape the Cave

2008-10-01T12:04:00.001-07:00

I just got done reading C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce," and Plato's "The Allegory of the Cave," and together they have change my outlook on life.

Why do we honor things in life that, in the end, really don't matter? Why do we go through life searching and striving for personal accolades? Why do we let our self centeredness get in the way of our christ centeredness, and still lie to ourselves about it? Why run and hide in our caves, when we can see that the outside world is filled with God's love and light?

We can pursue things in this world, however we need to keep things in perspective. We as followers of Christ should be a model to others, seek and do all through Christ. When we do all things through him, then we should re-enter the cave and love others and show that the outside light has beauty beyond discription. After all, Jesus came to show us. . .

. . .I have escaped my cave

Thirst

2008-09-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

For the past month, I have had a unrelenting desire to know more, and to experience more.
My eyes have been opened to how good and loving God really is, and how little I know about all that makes up his greatness.
I am suddenly content with being alone and spending the "quality time" with Him.
I pray that Christ's love can radiate through me, so others can see and experience Him.
My soul is thirsty, and Jesus is a tall glass of ice water. . .

To thirst is to crave. . .
To be thirsty is to be in need of something to sustain life. . .
I am thirsty for Christ!

Free

2008-09-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

Just a little something i wrote. . .

Confusion cripples me, it leaves me lifeless on the floor.
Not have that answers to any of life's questions, numbs me to my deepest core.
Who, what, why when and where, leave me baffled and clueless.
Another being enters the room, a voice said, "This is how you do this."
The image of a man, outlined in light.
Why is he here, and how does he know of my inner fight?
As he spoke to me it was like his words brought a long awaited sunrise to my dark and gloomy night.
As he was reaching down, I clinched his hand tight.
Effortlessly he pulled me up and out of my struggle.
Standing on my feet, I looked back at the rubble.
He spoke and said, "No more a broken soul, now who you were truly meant to be."
I responded, "why?" He said, "though HIM, we are all set free. . ."