Thursday, August 20, 2009

When a chapter closes, another opens. . .

So, the basic outline of my testimony. . .idk, just felt like it

So, tomorrow is the day that I sign my lease papers to my new townhouse. . .YESSSS! NO MOEW DORMS!! Josh, Dwight, Micah, and Danny. . .all moving out to get a preview of "real life after school." Or something like that. . .lol

As I was thinking about the move, I began to reflect on how different I am now the I was at this time three years ago. . .two years ago. . .and one year ago. . .The memories of all the chapters in the last few years hit me like a bag of bricks in the face. . .

Three years ago, I was a cool guy. Big, bad, cocky, college freshman. . .I was coming up to Simpson to play basketball, flirt with girls, live life away from my parents, and maybe go to class if there was time. . .Did I mention I was a cool guy? Throughout that year my self image change and my attitude shifted. . .Tall-tees, big baggy jeans, white kicks. . .i was BALLIN! I was a cool guy. . .and no one could tell me anything different. . .I got me a girlfriend, built a network of friends. . .I was rollin. . .I would soon find that only a few of these relationships were based on "the right" type of foundations. . .I hated class, especially the bible classes that I thought they tried to ram down my throat. . .I didnt want anything to do with God, or Jesus. . .I just wanted to listen to 2-pac and shoot some hoops. . .needless to say, I had a rough year. . .

Two years ago, I was a cool guy, but I had a year under my belt. My self ego and Image had matured a small amount, I knew the ropes, I knew what worked and what didn't when it came to beating the system. . .people knew me, I knew people. I was playing well, and was a captain of my team. . .but it didn't take long for my sandy foundation wash out from under my feet. . .I broke up with my girlfriend, started playing below my capability, started to hate my classes even more. . .my world was in a tail-spin. . .Then came church. I started going to church, reading my bible a little bit, and changing my outlook on life. The more i prayed and talked to God, the more light seemed to shine on me. Things got good. . .so I felt good. Slowly, I started to do the same things that I had been, and I started to lay sand on the the sturdy stones that was my foundation. Soon after came the wonderful world of underage drinking. . .What started as a few people just hanging out one Friday night rapidly turned into a
dark spiral of girls, booze, headaches, and regrets. I would seem to pull my self up and rise out of that hole, but I would just fall right back down. . .and land hard! I would want to fight those who I hold most dear, I hated people, including myself, I was not a cool guy. . . I hurt people, I hut myself. . .slowly, the pain was numbed, and seemed to level out. . .

One year ago, I was a cool guy, but I didn't want to be. . .school just started back up, I was a junior. . .people had came back, some saw who I had become. . .some thought it was cool. . .other were not so impressed. . .I couldn't tell you what it was, but something up in my head just clicked. I wanted out of the spiral! I was done with all of the crap. . .I wanted to breath easy. Stared to read more of my bible, and go back to church. I had to do a mandatory Internship for school, "ministry practicum." I signed up to help out at The Stirring. I was going to help in the media section and help with other things like set-up and tear-down. I started to meet with guys like D-fleck, Chris, Casey, and had a few small talks with Matt Klutz. . .small, insignificant interactions to them, im sure, but they meant a lot to me. . .God was in the process of grabbing me. All at the same time, I met Chelsea. She saw me for me, who i could be, and who I wanted to be. . .she has been nothing but an encouragement and a light.

This last six months. . .wow. That is all I can say. I am more involved in church. . .am surrounded by amazing people of God. . .In 2 life groups. . .Had the privilege to walk with Matt (who has had a profound influence on my life). . .

I am looking forward to this next year of life. . .as a new chapter begins, I can only imagin what God has in store for me and my life. . .God has my heart, the spirit dwells in me, and Jesus is everything. . .I have seen this before in my life, but I soon forgot. . .And I dont want to forget ever again.

4 comments:

Moseley said...

dude...i like you a lot.

Matt said...

Nice! Never forget where and what make you "Joshua Claybourne". You have obviously been though a lot to get where you are today, and I know God will take you a whole lot farther if you let Him. Never forget how proud I am of you and Em!!

Christian said...

so proud of you brother...

like really, im so excited for this next year and what the Lord is going to continue to do in your life.

Brittany said...

Josh,

I am so proud and honored to call you my friend. Time may pass, our connections may be far in between, but I always hold our friendship special in my heart. Reading your blog entries are such an inspiration and help me with my own faith. Love you!